The Consequence of Loving Colton by Rachel Van Dyken | Review

I received this book free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review, this does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review in any way.

Description from Goodreads:

My name is Milo Caro and I have a confession to make.

I've been in love with Colton Mathews since I was five. He should have known that sharing a cookie with a sugar obsessed little monster would so the trick - it sealed his fate. So really, the fact that he's sporting a black eye, a limp, almost got ran over by a car, and was nearly responsible for another person's death? Right. HIS fault. Not mine.

I made a pact with myself - this weekend would be different. I'd come home for my brothers wedding, smile, and Colton would naturally melt into my arms, we'd get married have five kids, live in a house by the river, and get a dog named Scratch (clearly I've thought this through).

What really happened? I punched my brother in the face, Colton kissed me and apologised, I lied about having a boyfriend, oh and everyone wants to meet the mystery man.

They say laughter comes before insanity - ha, ha. All I wanted was my brother's best friend... Instead I'm sitting in prison.

Let this be a lesson to you all... life rarely happens the way you want it to.

Damn cookie.

Oh freaking hell, I was actually in hell reading this book. It went from a sturdy four stars, to a reluctant three, a shaky two and finally a very firm and resounding one.
I CANNOT DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE! Like, what the actual f*** is this book? I don't understand how people have given it five stars! I think it's probably the worst thing I've read so far this year, and I  went through a DNF stage earlier on in the year.

Everything that I mentioned in my First Impression Friday review (read here) just got worse. The story line is appalling and makes no sense. Everything is extremely over the top, ridiculous and unbelievable. The characters are a joke. There is barely any character development. The language is poor and unrealistic. The Grandma basically sexually assaults someone and that's okay!?! I can't even explain just how much was wrong with this book. You know what, I'm going to share the five worst things in The Consequence of Loving Colton. (The list started out as five and then just got bigger and bigger.)

1. Weird-ass plan to reveal that Jayne was not in fact pregnant - WTF! Where did Reid come from? The most ridiculous plan ever, it made very little sense and was not communicated with the reader. Not cool.

2. Jason getting hurt - he suffers multiple black eyes, he's impaled by a ski pole, he has a severe allergic reaction to ant bites, yet no hospital! WHAT? That would definitely NOT happen!! He literally gets a ski pole through his arm, they remove it and wrap his arm, but then nothing is said of it again. Do you not think it would hurt like freaking hell? That his arm would be bleeding because there's a gaping hole in his arm!

3. That Milo had no say in her wedding, she didn't even get asked, actually got locked in a bedroom. Call me crazy but I'd want an engagement, to live with the man, plan my own wedding, have a brother that could use his eyeballs. Basically, the day was a freaking disaster and I would not want that.

4. Grandma/Reid - totally unbelievable and unnecessary. Added absolutely nothing! Highly unrealistic, as if they'd all let a man get sexually molested by an old woman, and not do anything!

5. Max. At first I liked him, but then things got stupid. I did not understand. It was just too much, he was too much. (Who says 'Truth'?!)

6. Milo's POV - the author was clearly trying to show that she's 'not like most girls'. Milo eats a sh*t tonne of carbs, ugly cries, is violent and a tomboy. Bitch, I can eat like a pig and look revolting when I cry, but you don't hear me bragging. None of those things make Milo an original and unique character, they don't make her superior because she doesn't have 'half of Sephora' piled on her face. Give. Me. A. Break.

7. Why did they keep interrupting when Colt/Milo are trying to get it on? It's just stupid. And then he's all 'her first time in a swimming pool is stupid and inconsiderate' damn right it is, jackass. You know what else is? Jumping into a swimming pool with your new wife while she's wearing an EXPENSIVE wedding dress, and then because you jumped into the swimming pool with her fully clothed, YOU RIP HER DRESS OFF HER!!! Only to then not even have sex!

I am fuming.

I realise that was an extremely negative view, but I just had to vent. I fell better now.

Have you read The Consequence of Loving Colton? I'd love to know if you felt the same, or if you liked it! Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

'The Consequence of Loving Colton' by Rachel Van Dyken
1 Star

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